THEBRAEDEN

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The Braeden is a magnificently in demand performer and can spice up even the most exotic bacchanalias.

The Braeden is available for three distinct services.

Braeden: World Saver

Forces of darkness got you down? Evil overlord take over your country/province/dimension?
The Braeden is ready to help. 
From inspiring the peasantry to fulfilling ancient prophecy,  Braeden will overthrow tyrants, slay dragons, and smite whatever Evil Diety/Cosmic Entity/Great Old One is threatening your races future lineage.
Currently, Braeden is saving the world from George W Bush, and Braeden is happy to announce he’ll be out of the white house no later than January 20th, 2009.
You’re welcome.
Special note: Braeden usually performs this service pro-bono.

Braeden: Life Fixer

That’s right, you’re a mess; but Braeden can help.
For a limited time, Braeden is fixing lives for free.
You heard right. Free life fixing.
And the best part?
It’s completely…tact free.
Braeden will assess your unique situation, and then tell you how to fix it.
Relationship problems? Finance troubles? 
We’ll get to the bottom of it, and get you to the top of whatever mountain you want to climb.
Be advised, though, Braeden doesn’t pull any punches, and most likely whatever your problem happens to be is your fault.
Special note: Braeden cannot regrow limbs, regenerate organs, or cure disease.

Braeden: Entertainer

Braeden will put the “Oh my god my girlfriend just cheated on me with the magician” in your party!
No one does magic, and stand up, and political rhetoric, and impromptu boxing, like The Braeden.
He’ll wow your guests, scare your children, and traumatize your god fearing neighbors. 
Once you’ve seen Braeden do magic, it’ll take more than turning water into wine to make YOU tithe ten percent of your salary!
Special note: Braeden does children’s birthdays only for HUGE sums of money.